The Reason

I have to chuckle whenever I see a self-proclaimed atheist in some old Western, because the writers were forced by the culture back then to give him appropriately shallow reasons for his non-belief: "I can't see that a God that sacrifices my family to the Apaches deserves anything from me." The conclusion being, atheism can only derive from emotional irrationalism and personal grudges.

I went to the First United Methodist Church in Sunnyvale as a kid, and had a blast. Developed the leadership qualities that would propel me through college as president of the youth fellowship. Loved the quiet calm of the sanctuary (a beautiful interior with soaring woodgrained walls). Loved coffee hour afterwards in the courtyard. Had a crush on Heidi Tubbs, who once was struck by a wandering shaft of light that turned her into an angel. Loved being in the choir, learning all the bass and tenor parts to the hymns, and sang my first public solo, an a capella medley of "O Holy Night" and "Lo How a Rose E'er Blooming." Till one day, I was reading a passage of scripture and realized, "You know what? I don't actually believe any of this."

A few years later, I ran into a couple of choir buddies at a mall and they said, "How come you don't sing in the church choir anymore?" I said, "I really just don't believe any more." And they said, "Yeah, but you're a tenor - we need tenors!"

Bless those people. In a way, they gave me the freedom to come to my own conclusions. I'm extremely grateful.

George Carlin Comes to God

That's what the rumormongers would have you believe, anyway. I was both amused and annoyed when the comedian's 2008 death was greeted with rumors about his deathbed conversion. One report had him saying "I'm sorry" to God with his final breath.

As noted in Christopher Hitchens' remarkable book, "God is not Great," this is a longstanding tradition of the hyper-religious. Thomas Paine was hounded on his deathbed "by religious hooligans who demanded that he accept Christ as his savior." When he refused, they fabricated a last-minute conversion regardless. The lie was repeated for Darwin, who was reported "squinting at the Bible at the last." With Albert Einstein, they didn't even bother waiting for death, simply made up grandiloquent quotations in which he confessed his faith in God. Einstein repeatedly gave statements trying to correct these falsehoods.

"The mere fact that such deathbed 'repentances' were sought by the godly," writes Hitchens, "let alone subsequently fabricated, speaks volumes about the bad faith of the faith-based."

Speaking of, here's a touching tribute from Christian writer David J. Stewart: "I liked George Carlin. He spoke his mind about various topics and made no apologies for his opinions. I admire that. I think Carlin was a nice guy. I am very sad that Mr. Carlin denied the Bible, Jesus Christ and God. I certainly don't enjoy knowing that he is almost assuredly in Hell."

Christians are such sweet people, aren't they? 

The Most Obvious Point

Hello, Catholics. We are once again being asked to forgive your church. Nope. Sorry. Thanks to your earthly creator, Saint Paul (who exhibited perhaps 134 symptoms of being a latent homosexual), you have designed a religion that forbids female clergy and puts male clergy on a full-time stoppage of their most natural bodily function (the longest continuous case of blue-balls known to mankind).And you are surprised that this leads to trouble. Do us all a favor; allow your priests to fornicate like natural human beings. Get a clue. You are the sponsors and encouragers of child rapists, including your infallible Pope. You ought to all be in prison. But make this change and we will take it easy on you.